After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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