she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
