to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
