Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
