Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
