with your own penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
