The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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