You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
