thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
