This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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