I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
