She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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