ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
