Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
