so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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