Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
