He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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