his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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