Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
