can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
