I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
