I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please come you make the beer taste better
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
