I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
