I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
