69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
