10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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