If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
