I wannas sexs uuuuu
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
