My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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