It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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