I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize