I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
