i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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