Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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