did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
