i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
