i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize