I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
