woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
