So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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