from now on my penis is your penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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