apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
