i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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