Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
