p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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