I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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