Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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