a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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