in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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