don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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