i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
