I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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