ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
