Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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