you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
