Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize