Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize