New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
