She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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