I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize