I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
