Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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