I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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