it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pants are for mortals
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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