I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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