I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
