some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
