if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
