hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
