if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
