how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
