Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
